ah i'm so depressed.
i had a dream last night.
in the many chapters of the dream,
there was one chapter....
that affected me
even after i woke up.
i even cried my heart out in the dream.
(and that kind of helped in relieving stress.
stress from training and stuff.
now i feel so refresh.
but still,
depressed.)

i dreamt that this guy i had a crush on in my dream.
was very ill.
and was suffering.
some minor illness which i knew he was down with went from bad to worse.
his stomach would hurt so bad
so bad that he couldnt do anything.
(guess it was some gastric problem gone bad?)
he couldnt eat well,
he couldnt play basketball.
(yes, my crush in my dream plays basketball. omg. of all games.)
it hurts me to see him like that.
(obviously. come on. it hurts me just to know that a casual friend of mine vomitted after drinking.)
so i took care of him.
his friends tell me about how much he seems to be in.
but everytime i see him.
he seems to forcibly put on a smile.
all i see is a little frown on his face when he's in pain.
one day,
he disappeared.
and i sense it.
i sense that he was gone.
forever.
(oh you know how ridiculous dreams can be.)
i couldnt find him.
and somehow,
his handphone was with me.
then suddenly,
i saw his parents walking pass.
it took me a long time to bring up my tiny-weeny courage to step forward to talk to them.
and so,
i went forward.
and said,
"hi, i'm XXX's friend. and i was wondering (at this point of time, i started tearing and i couldnt speak up clearly) if you could me your house number so i can call over to look for XXX?"
and both of them looked at each other.
looking sad,
they shook their heads
and his father said,
"no, dont bother looking for XXX."
as though signalling to me that my sixth sense was correct.
and i broke down.
crying "WHY?"

i woke up crying.
i knew it was just a dream.
but i cant help feeling sad and depressed.
it feels so real.
losing someone so dear to you.
and soon after,
i fell asleep again.
and as you know,
the brain controls the dream.
and beacuse i wanted so much to change the fact that he died,
there was a second part to it
of which i do not take into account as it seems to me that that was something my brain created to console myself.
and let me tell you why.
it seems like years passed.
i was no longer affected by the death of XXX.
and i was with a friend of mine.
on this 'dragon' roller coaster.
that went 360 degrees turn.
WITHOUT seat belts.
(argh, how ridiculous.)
and so, we were practically clinging on the seat with our bare hands.
and while i was still on the ride,
i saw him once again.
alive.
no explaination.
no nothing.
just a word.
"hi"
the end.

though i was glad to see him.
but i knew it was a dream to console myself.
its not the first time i had part twos to my dream.